July 18, 2010

The Art of War for Dating

July 18, 2010

A fellow brother and I have been discussing the import of Sun Tzu’s strategic battlefield counsels on the world of dating of modern culture.

We’ve decided there are many relevant skills from brother Tzu that could help a great many miffed individuals, guys and gal’s alike.

Here’s a sampling:

“The art of war is of vital importance to dating. It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.”

“The guy who wins the game makes many calculations in his temple ere the game is played. The one who  loses the game makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose.”

“The girl who is skilled in defense hides in the most secret recesses of the earth; the guy who is skilled in maneuvers flashes forth from the topmost heights of heaven. Consequently, both tend to have no clue of what’s going on.”

“To start or break off pursuit by text messaging or Facebook is not the acme of excellence.”

“Sun Tzu said: In war, the general receives his commands from the sovereign. However, we do not recommend you tell someone that God led you thus, lest you be defeated and bring shame on your own head.”

“After that, comes tactical maneuvering, than which there is nothing more difficult. The difficulty of tactical maneuvering consists in trying to make the other think something that you want them to think, without making them think something that you don’t want them to think.”

“Thus, for a gal to take a long and circuitous route, after enticing the guy out of the way, and though starting after him, to out maneuver him, shows knowledge of the artifice of DEVIATION.”

“Sun Tzu said: We come now to the question of encamping, and observing signs of the other. Pass quickly over mountains, and keep in the neighborhood of others, lest you be taken for a creep.”

“Sun Tzu said: We may distinguish six kinds of terrain, to wit: (1) Accessible ground; (2) entangling ground; (3) temporizing ground; (4) narrow passes; (5) precipitous heights; (6) positions at a great distance from you.

  • Accessible ground correlates to those most present and available. These are the most ideal candidates.
  • Entangling ground correlates to those who yield snares, misleading cues, or gimmicks, and consequently, much frustration.
  • Temporizing ground refers to those who think not of marriage or much else than their own appetites for that matter. Dating is typically shallow, and short lived.
  • Narrow Passes are those who create difficult obstacles or tend to control or manipulate.
  • Precipitous Heights refer to those who are simply “too good” for you. Your attempt to ascend to their level may result in an early death or a complete waste of time.
  • Positions of Great Distance are those nowhere in your vicinity and thus difficult to maintain connection with. Or, it can be those who are near but “distant minded, dull, or simply inept.”

“When you start a fire, be to windward of it. Do not be in the leeward.”

We hope you enjoyed these samples. Look for this book to hit shelves soon in a store near you!

[this is only a spoof by the way…]

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