January 14, 2016 Matthew

Mothers, Sons, and Lovers by Michael Gurian ★★★

This book marked the beginning of my exploration into the relational-social aspect of my “human being” so many years ago. Since we are social beings at the core it follows that we should pay close attention to all that affects our “social life” or “sociability” and learn from it. As a secular book, the author focused heavily on meditative searching into the psyche which I would not recommend yet it nonetheless spoke a lot of truth into the impact of Mom on our lives as men. It was the book that encouraged me to write out on paper deeper aspects of my inner life and feelings of the past as they related to my mother as well as other family members and to confront any related fears and hang-ups. Who would have thought that I would have had any fears of my mother? Who would have thought that these same fears and dependencies would adversely affect my relating to women? Yet it was true. A fear of hurting her or a fear of being rejected by her or a fear of being without her support, for example. These are fears not founded on truth but since my Dad was not available to call me into manhood, mother’s protection was all I knew and as a consequence a good thing became a “hindrance” to me later in life. The book compelled me to write a letter to my mother in which, for the first time in my life, I became transparent with her. She cried. It allowed her to see into the the real me and all the things I felt in the past. The relationship was transformed. I was now free to be a man to provide emotionally for her and no longer a boy dependent on her emotional provision.

Christian material such as Robert Lewis’ Authentic Manhood and Gordon Dalbey’s Healing the Masculine Soul builds a lot on such principles of “cutting the umbilical cord” with mom but also completes them where books like these leave off. Every man has been born by mother and every man must be born again by the Father.

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